12 Things You Didn't Know Were Signs of Anxiety 🧠
Silent Signals: Recognizing the Unseen Markers of Anxiety (8min Read)
TL;DR Summary:
Anxiety is Common: Nearly 31% of people will experience anxiety in their lifetime, but its signs aren't always obvious.
12 Surprising Signs of Anxiety
High-Functioning Anxiety Often Goes Unnoticed: It's high-functioning, making it difficult to diagnose, with many individuals appearing normal or even successful.
Acknowledgment is Key: Recognizing these signs is the first step towards managing anxiety.
Practical Steps for Management:
Get to Know These Parts of You
The Path Meditation
Encouragement: High-functioning anxiety doesn't define you. There's hope, and healing is a continuous journey.
Welcome Back!
Anxiety disorders are the most common type of mental health ailment!
Some estimates suggest nearly 31% of people experience some kind of anxiety in their lifetime.
While it’s very common, it’s not always obvious, so today we’re going to dig into the less obvious signs that someone may be struggling with anxiety!
I think you’ll be surprised by some of the examples!
12 Things You Didn’t Know Were Anxious Behavior
Over-Preparation
Constantly preparing for tasks, meetings, or events to the point of exhaustion, driven by a fear of failure or underperformance.
This isn’t just at work, it can be at home too, or if you have kids!
Feeling as if you must have every answer, and be prepared for every single possible thing that could happen.
Hyper-Criticism of Self and Others
An inability to accept mistakes or imperfections, leading to a critical attitude towards oneself and, sometimes, others.
Again, this isn’t just at work where some of these behaviors can seem even more ordinary, but it’s also at home or with your friends!
Control Issues
An overwhelming need to control every aspect of one's environment or outcomes to avoid uncertainty or surprises.
This can often lead to stress in situations that are beyond one’s control.
Not only that, but it doesn’t allow you to fully be present in any situation, so you only experience half of what life has to offer.
Chronic Busyness
Filling every moment of the day with tasks or activities to avoid facing anxiety or to prove one's worth through productivity.
Oftentimes, we can keep these anxious feelings and thoughts at bay by distracting ourselves.
This only works for so long though, and only for as long as we have distractions in our lives, which aren’t hard to find in today’s world.
Loyalty to Routines
Relying heavily on routines or rituals to manage anxiety, leading to significant stress when those routines are disrupted.
I fall into this group at times.
It’s that feeling that if you don’t hit your routines, the ones you set up to help you and keep you organized, something bad or unexpected will happen.
Intellectualization
Using rationalization and logic excessively to avoid confronting emotional aspects of anxiety or to distance oneself from feeling anxious.
If you are trying to explain your way out of any of these behaviors or rationalize some justification for the behaviors listed here, you’re guilty of this one haha!
I have very strong intellectual/rationalizing Parts myself, so I get it.
Perfection in Appearance
Putting excessive effort into one’s appearance or how one is perceived by others as a way to mask insecurity and anxiety.
I’m not talking just about clothes, cars, makeup, etc, I’m also talking about the people pleasing from above.
Or doing things to ensure you don’t disappoint someone or to make sure they view you as successful or worthy.
Avoiding Silence
Keeping the mind constantly occupied with work, podcasts, music, or other distractions to avoid silent moments where anxiety might surface.
Silence is the biggest fear of someone with anxiety because it’s never truly silent.
There are a million racing thoughts that crowd out the silence which become too overwhelming to handle if left unchecked for too long.
Difficulty Saying No
Struggling to set boundaries or say no due to a fear of letting others down or missing out, often leading to over-commitment.
Setting covert contracts is another example of this one.
Meaning, not saying directly what you need or want, but just hoping that the other person will pick up on what you need, as if they can read your mind.
Overthinking Positive Situations
Analyzing and dissecting positive experiences or compliments, looking for hidden meanings, or waiting for something to go wrong.
You’re beautiful, you’re loved, you are successful and I am proud of you.
How are you feeling right now? What are you thinking?
“He has to say those things, it’s his job…” “He’s not talking to me, just the other readers…” “Why is this stranger saying this to me…”
If any of these thoughts popped into your head, you might struggle with this one!
Social Withdrawal in Downtime
Isolating oneself during rare downtime to recharge from the exhaustion of maintaining a high-functioning facade, is sometimes mistaken as introversion.
This is necessary to recharge, and it’s kind of like you only know how to be all gas pedal or all brake pedal.
After flooring the gas for long enough, you’ve gotta slam on the brakes to recharge so you can floor it again.
This leads to a binge-burnout cycle that taxes your nervous system to such a high degree that you can see the damage on brain scans.
Physical Symptoms Without Medical Explanation
Experiencing physical symptoms such as gastrointestinal issues, headaches, or chronic fatigue, which may be stress-related but can often lead to extensive medical testing without identifying a clear medical cause.
If I had a dime for every time one of my clients came to me saying, “I’ve been to the ER or my MD, and they can’t seem to figure out what’s going on…”
Surprise, It’s High Functioning Anxiety
If you’re wondering how you never knew these things were signs of anxiety, it’s because they are all signs of a specific type of anxiety.
High-functioning anxiety goes undiagnosed the majority of the time because it’s high-functioning.
This means, in today’s society, you appear completely normal, oftentimes even rewarded for the results it can bring you, which reinforces the sinister signs we just talked about.
Some research suggests that nearly 80% of people who struggle with this go undiagnosed.
In fact, it’s something I struggle with myself.
I know the “benefits” it can bring to you, but I can also assure you that the constantly tense, always on edge, state of being isn’t how we are meant to live.
High functioning anxiety turns you from a human being into a human doing.
But I Kinda Like It…
I feel you, I kinda like it too, and I don’t think that it’s bad to like the superpowers it can give you.
What I’ve learned is that you can’t let it consume you though.
Identifying with it is much different than recognizing it’s a Part of you, kind of like a supersuit that you can put on and take off.
If you identify with it though, and you say, “I AM… XYZ,” this is when it can become dangerous.
Not just dangerous for your mental, emotional, and physical health, but for that Part of you.
What I’ve found when working with my own high-functioning anxiety Parts, and my clients, is that they are often VERY tired.
They’re always on and never get a break because they think something bad might happen if they relax.
So, they make you believe that days off are bad, stress reduction is a waste of time, or if you don’t keep grinding, someone else will be and they’ll beat you.
What Can I Do?
If you’re wondering how I’m reading your mind right now, and it’s freaking you out a bit because you’ve come to the realization this might be something you’re struggling with, that’s ok.
You’re gonna be ok.
Here are 2 things I suggest you try out!
I’ve used both of these things myself and with my clients!
Get to Know These Parts of You
The first thing that I’d suggest is to remember, that these are Parts of you, not You.
Getting to know these Parts can be very helpful in this endeavor.
To do this, go back through the list above and write down the ones that resonate with you the most.
Once you’ve written them down, take a moment, and name them!
After you’ve named them, say hello to this Part of you.
Pause, close your eyes, and put this Part into your mind.
Scan in and around your body and see if you can find it somewhere.
It might be a warmth, a twitch, a vibration, a tightness, you might see a color, you might just see yourself.
There’s an unlimited number of ways this Part could show up for you, just be aware and see if you can find it in or around your body.
Once you do, focus on that part of your body where this Part is hanging out and just extend it some love and appreciation towards it.
Doesn’t have to be anything more than that at first.
It’s ok if it feels a little weird at first, for some people it does.
For some, it makes complete sense right away!
You’re doing two things when you do this.
First, you’re starting to stop identifying with this Part of you and shifting from Doing into Being.
Next, you’re helping that Part of you understand that it’s not alone and that you’ve got this if it’d like to rest some!
This process is what IFS psychotherapy calls “Unblending.”
This is a very powerful and useful skill when working with powerful Parts like these!
The Path Meditation
The second thing that I’d suggest you try out is something called the Path Meditation.
It’s something every IFS therapist knows very well, and Dr. Richard Schwartz, the founder of IFS is the one who created it!
Now that you’ve learned how to begin unblending from your Parts, the Path meditation can help you learn how to BE, instead of DO.
In it, Dr. Schwartz will have you unblend from your Parts like we did above, and then he will help you take a walk down a Path without your Parts.
By doing this, you’re showing these Parts of yourself that you’re safe and that they don’t have to perform this job to keep you safe anymore!
You still value them as Parts of yourself, but they no longer are required to do these roles.
Some of your Parts will love this, some will hate this, and they might think you’re trying to get rid of them and become defensive.
That’s alright, it’s a very common fear for these kinds of Parts, and you can reassure them that this isn’t the case if this does come up!
The Path Meditation will help these Parts build trust with you, and over time they will become less defensive.
Be More
I hope today’s blog has been helpful!
If you enjoyed the IFS concepts that I covered, and are looking for someone trained in IFS near you, I’d suggest checking out the IFS directory below.
Anxiety, high functioning or not, doesn’t have to be a life sentence.
I can assure you that there is hope, and there’s nothing wrong with you.
You aren’t dysfunctional, you’re healing, as we all are!
Remember that healing isn’t a destination, it’s a journey.
You’ve got this!
Until next time… Live Heroically 🧠
Supporting Research
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Washington, DC: Author.
Hofmann, S. G., Asnaani, A., Vonk, I. J. J., Sawyer, A. T., & Fang, A. (2012). The efficacy of cognitive behavioral therapy: A review of meta-analyses. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 36(5), 427-440. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10608-012-9476-1
Kessler, R. C., Chiu, W. T., Demler, O., & Walters, E. E. (2005). Prevalence, severity, and comorbidity of twelve-month DSM-IV disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication (NCS-R). Archives of General Psychiatry, 62(6), 617-627. https://doi.org/10.1001/archpsyc.62.6.617
Schwartz, R. C. (1995). Internal Family Systems Therapy. New York: Guilford Press.
Stein, M. B., & Stein, D. J. (2008). Social anxiety disorder. The Lancet, 371(9618), 1115-1125. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(08)60488-2
Twenge, J. M. (2000). The age of anxiety? The birth cohort change in anxiety and neuroticism, 1952–1993. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 79(6), 1007-1021. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.79.6.1007
Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. New York: Viking.
Weissman, M. M., Bland, R. C., Canino, G. J., Faravelli, C., Greenwald, S., Hwu, H.-G., ... & Yeh, E.-K. (1996). The cross-national epidemiology of social phobia: A preliminary report. International Clinical Psychopharmacology, 11, 9-14. https://doi.org/10.1097/00004850-199606003-00003