5 Trauma Recovery Questions That Will Change Your Life 🧠

Asking yourself better questions will lead you to a better life. (7min Read)

TL;DR Summary:

• Discover the power of asking better questions for personal growth and trauma recovery.

• Learn five transformative questions that can change your life.

• Understand how these questions help you:

  • Envision your future: Reflect on the long-term impact of your current habits.

  • Tap into inner wisdom: Gain advice from your future self.

  • Face hidden truths: Identify and acknowledge personal denials.

  • Align actions with desires: Ensure your actions reflect your true goals.

  • Improve incrementally: Focus on small, daily improvements.

• Get practical steps to integrate these questions into your daily routine and make meaningful changes.

These questions aren't just theoretical; they are tools you can use right away to transform your life.

On to the full blog!

Better Questions, Better Life

If you didn’t know, I am a collector of questions.

One good question is worth its weight in gold.

I have hundreds and recently I was going through some of my favorites when the idea for this blog hit me!

It wasn’t easy, but I pulled my top 5 favorite questions to ask the founders and entrepreneurs I work with.

These are especially powerful for people in the trauma recovery process!

And no, it's not things like, "What's your purpose in life?" Or "What would you do if you couldn't fail?"

These are useless questions that keep you stuck in my opinion.

The ones I'm about to ask you will change your life having just heard them one time.

Let’s dive in. 

1. If you keep your current habits & beliefs—in 5 years will your life be better or worse?

This question forces you to confront the long-term impact of your daily actions and beliefs.

It leverages the psychological concept of self-projection, where imagining your future self can motivate you to make changes today.

You can use this question when you feel stuck in a rut or uncertain about the future.

I’ve found it’s a great one to ask when people are stuck in trauma bonds and struggling to get out of an abusive relationship or toxic work environment.

Our brains have a remarkable ability to simulate future scenarios.

The prefrontal cortex, responsible for planning and decision-making, lights up when we think about our future selves.

By envisioning the consequences of our current habits, we activate this part of the brain, which can help us make more informed decisions.

Speaking of which…

What advice would your future self give you right now?

We're the only species on earth with a brain complex enough to even ask ourselves this question and act on it, so take advantage of it. 

This question taps into the wisdom you already possess but may not be accessing.

It creates a mental dialogue between your current and future self, often revealing things you hadn't considered.

Studies have shown that people who frequently think about their future selves are more likely to make healthier and more rational decisions in the present.

If this one feels weird, imagine you're writing a letter to yourself from five years in the future.

What lessons have you learned? What regrets do you have?

By doing this, you can often uncover the path you need to take today.

What truth about yourself are you denying?

Think of denial as a heavy backpack filled with rocks.

Every truth you acknowledge is a rock you remove, making your journey through life lighter and more manageable.

For example, maybe you're denying your need for approval and validation?

You know, one of the most core human needs… Attention, love, and affection.

You just don't need these, huh?

Admitting you do is the first step in getting it!

Use this one when you notice recurring patterns that are holding you back.

It's particularly useful in therapy or coaching sessions because it’s very hard to read the label from inside the bottle.

Bottom line, denial is a defense mechanism that protects us from psychological pain.

However, facing the truth activates the anterior cingulate cortex, a part of the brain involved in error detection and emotional regulation.

Confronting uncomfortable truths can help rewire our brains for greater resilience and emotional stability.

Are your actions aligned with what you want, or just what others expect?

This question helps you identify whether you're living authentically or simply conforming to external expectations.

A good follow-up to this one is, "What decisions would I make if no one else knew about my choices."

You should probably be making those choices. 

When you make choices that align with your intrinsic goals, your ventromedial prefrontal cortex is activated!

This part of the brain is involved in processing rewards and personal values, and activating it consistently can lead to greater satisfaction and well-being!

What can you do to improve by 1% today?

It’s TINY daily actions in the direction you’d like to go that change your life.

It’s not the meditating on a mountain or kum bah yah in the forest.

It’s getting 1% better daily, in literally ANY way.

Did you wake up 1 second earlier? Did you do 1 pushup? Did you drink 1 less beer? Did you give yourself a 30-second break in your day? Did you eat 1 less sugary food?

I find that people create these impossibly huge barriers in the way of them achieving the things they’d like to in life.

Or they decide that they have to create change in their life perfectly or they fail.

Who made that a rule? Rules were made for someone else to win, not you!

Do what you gotta do, however you gotta do it, 1% at a time.

I promise you’ll be in a better place this way!

In fact, the brain's reward system responds positively to small wins, releasing dopamine, which reinforces these tiny actions and motivates you to continue.

These tiny improvements, create a positive feedback loop that can lead to substantial growth over time!

I’ve seen it hundreds of times with my clients.

3 Actionable Steps to Transform Your Life

Reading powerful questions is one thing; applying them is another.

Here’s a process designed to help you integrate these questions into your life and make tangible changes in your life.

Step 1: Reflection

• Find a quiet, comfortable place where you won’t be disturbed for at least 30 minutes.

• Grab a journal or a notebook and a pen. A computer works too if you prefer typing!

• Allocate 5-10 minutes to ponder each question individually.

Here are some activities you can use for each question to make this easier.

1. If you keep your current habits & beliefs—in 5 years will your life be better or worse?

• Activity: Visualize your life five years from now. Write a detailed description of your future self, including your achievements, challenges, and daily routine. Compare this vision with your current habits and beliefs.

  

2. What advice would your future self give you right now?

• Activity: Write a letter from your future self to your current self. Include specific advice, encouragement, and actionable steps you can take immediately.

3. What truth about yourself are you denying?

• Activity: List any uncomfortable truths you’ve been avoiding. For each truth, write a short paragraph about what makes it uncomfortable for you to acknowledge. What are you making it mean?

  

Remember, no one but you will see what you write.

4. Are your actions aligned with what you want, or just what others expect?

• Activity: Create three columns in your journal.

• In the first column, list your current actions and decisions.

• In the second column, write whether these actions align with your personal desires or external expectations.

• In the third, write what decision you’d make if no one ever knew what you decided!

• Identify any discrepancies and note what changes you can make.

  

5. What can you do to improve by 1% today?

• Activity: Identify one small, specific action you can take today to improve by 1%.

• This could be something as simple as drinking an extra glass of water, taking a five-minute walk, or sending a kind message to a friend.

• Write down this action and commit to doing it today.

Step 2: Daily Integration

• Morning Routine: Start each day by revisiting these questions. Pick one question to focus on for the day and set a specific intention or goal related to it.

  

• Evening Reflection: At the end of the day, reflect on your progress. Write down any insights or changes you noticed, and plan your 1% improvement for the next day.

Step 3: Accountability

• Find a Partner: Share these questions with a friend or family member. Agree to check in with each other regularly to discuss your reflections and progress.

• Join a Community: Consider joining or forming a support group where everyone can discuss their answers and support each other in their growth journeys!

I run one of these kinds of groups for entrepreneurs called the Self Agency Movement Community!

Simple Doesn’t Mean Easy

I said these would change your life, not that it would be easy. 

By using these questions and the exercise I just outlined, you can start to take actionable steps to integrate their wisdom into your daily life.

Remember, knowledge isn’t power, implementation is.

Transformation is a journey, and consistent, small steps lead to significant changes over time.

Share this with someone you're going to answer and implement these questions with!

Good luck.

And until next time… Live Heroically! 🧠

Supporting Research

• Hershfield, H. E., Cohen, T. R., & Thompson, L. (2012). Short horizons and tempting situations: Lack of continuity to our future selves leads to unethical decision making and behaviors. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 117(2), 298-310. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.obhdp.2011.11.002

• Tomlin, D. (2021). Know thy future self. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 22, 259. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41583-021-00464-6

• Mattar, M. G., Cole, M. W., Thompson-Schill, S. L., & Bassett, D. S. (2021). A recurrent network model of planning explains hippocampal replay and human behavior. Nature Neuroscience. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41593-020-00799-7

• van Gelder, J., Hershfield, H.E., & Nordgren, L.F. (2013). Vividness of the Future Self Predicts Delinquency. Psychological Science, 24, 974 - 980. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1305326110

• Sokol-Hessner, P., Hsu, M., Curley, N. G., Delgado, M. R., & Camerer, C. F. (2012). Thinking like a trader selectively reduces individuals’ loss aversion. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 109(16), 6415-6420. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1116783109

• Miller, E. K., & Cohen, J. D. (2001). An integrative theory of prefrontal cortex function. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 24, 167-202.   1. www.ucl.ac.uk

• Bush, G., Luu, P., & Posner, M. I. (2000). Cognitive and emotional influences in anterior cingulate cortex. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 4(6), 220-224.  1. he.wikipedia.org

• Bechara, A., Damasio, H., & Damasio, A. R. (2000). Emotion, decision-making and the orbitofrontal cortex. Cerebral Cortex, 10(3), 295-307.

• Graybiel, A. M. (2008). Habits, rituals, and the basal ganglia. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 105(Supplement 1), 1902-1908.

• Schultz, W. (2007). The reward system of the brain: From basic principles to therapeutic applications. Physiological Reviews, 87(3), 881-943.