The number of people who need to read this article! I have struggled with the "hacks" I keep seeing online. Because of them, I have had people ask me why my journey is taking so long. I'm not doing things properly. I get sent reels and clips, etc, and it does my head in. Trying to explain that healing is not a one-size-fits-all and there is no magic button has become something I absolutely detest. If there were a magic button, I'd pay good money to press it! This is exhausting work! Sorry.. I ended up having a mini-rant, but what I wanted to say was, "Great article."
Aye, I get it, rant away! You're on the path, and trauma recovery is anything but a straight line. You should be proud of yourself for not quitting, sounds like you're still taking it step by step, that's the best thing you can do! So happy you enjoyed the blog too! I have another blog you might enjoy that explains the recovery pathway called The 4 Stages of Trauma Recovery, I also did a video post about this one recently!
This fantastic article leaves me feeling... gosh, so many things. Seen. Supported. Vindicated. But also angry over the years I have spent shouting about so much of what you've written here, with other people staring at me uncomprehendingly, not understanding what I'm trying to say about all the deep work that's needed to directly address the underlying wound. (Including taking seriously the incredibly harmful ***doctrines*** of the sect I grew up in, which assume libertarian free will. Don't get me started on the ridiculousness of "free will.")
I grew up in a dogmatic authoritarian sect that practiced powerful mind control techniques, which worshipped a tool to achieve salvation instead of giving everyone the latitude to work out for themself, on their own terms, what the meaning is to them as to the message about salvation "for" or "from" what, in the first place. There was a tremendous amount of cruelty, domineering posturing, attempts to shame, terrify and control--including claims made about people's supposed ability to "just get saved." (And now, today, my secular friends can't figure out why I keep grinding on all this, why I can't just use some nice shortcut such as hacking my vagus nerve to "just snap out of it.")
Spiritual bypassing everywhere I looked, back then, during my sect days. And tons of now today, but coming from the secular crowd. Just put an ice pack on your chest. Just do this humming technique. What have you.
In my childhood, no relationships were safe, least of all any relationship I might try to cultivate with myself. Now today, I am struggling to have the courage to be vulnerable (but not to an inappropriate way--great post on that, too, Cody!) to demonstrate to my parts this is a "we" thing and we can do this. I am trying to demonstrate to my parts, though experiments in daily living, that to pursue healing, including healing in relation (internally and with external others) not only does not constitute self-worship, it is the most powerful way to use that router (the vagus nerve) to establish and maintain communication among my parts and me, learn new skills, undergo an identity shift. But it takes time. There's multiple facets to it.
I feel compassion for all of us on this parameter of how our brains love shortcuts. Of course. Wouldn't that be great if there were a switch (e.g. the vagus nerve) we could throw, and by getting the router reset, all our trauma would have gotten cleared out?
I just hate interacting with people when I feel as though they believe there are these quick and easy hacks and that I am just not trying hard enough to find the right hack or that I found the right hack but I'm "not using it right." No! Sorry, people. I need to take the time to address the core wounds. No more saviorhood mentality (i.e. this or that hack is the savior that will save us) and spiritual bypassing and dissociating my way out of doing the deep work that's actually needed, here. That's not how I'm playing this. Not anymore.
And for me the deep work today includes doing something that makes all my fundamentalist family members really, really uncomfortable: delving into what were TOXIC sect doctrines in the first place, those doctrines being the foundation of the beliefs most of my parts still subscribe to. It takes time and a slow building of trust between my parts and me.
This is ridiculously rambling. Apologies. Thank you, Cody, for this excellent post.
So happy this resonated so deeply with you! I can't imagine how tough the things you're talking about must have been to go through... I'm glad you're on the healing path, and not allowing those around you to convince you not to the deep work it sounds like you're working on. It's for sure worth it!
The number of people who need to read this article! I have struggled with the "hacks" I keep seeing online. Because of them, I have had people ask me why my journey is taking so long. I'm not doing things properly. I get sent reels and clips, etc, and it does my head in. Trying to explain that healing is not a one-size-fits-all and there is no magic button has become something I absolutely detest. If there were a magic button, I'd pay good money to press it! This is exhausting work! Sorry.. I ended up having a mini-rant, but what I wanted to say was, "Great article."
Aye, I get it, rant away! You're on the path, and trauma recovery is anything but a straight line. You should be proud of yourself for not quitting, sounds like you're still taking it step by step, that's the best thing you can do! So happy you enjoyed the blog too! I have another blog you might enjoy that explains the recovery pathway called The 4 Stages of Trauma Recovery, I also did a video post about this one recently!
This fantastic article leaves me feeling... gosh, so many things. Seen. Supported. Vindicated. But also angry over the years I have spent shouting about so much of what you've written here, with other people staring at me uncomprehendingly, not understanding what I'm trying to say about all the deep work that's needed to directly address the underlying wound. (Including taking seriously the incredibly harmful ***doctrines*** of the sect I grew up in, which assume libertarian free will. Don't get me started on the ridiculousness of "free will.")
I grew up in a dogmatic authoritarian sect that practiced powerful mind control techniques, which worshipped a tool to achieve salvation instead of giving everyone the latitude to work out for themself, on their own terms, what the meaning is to them as to the message about salvation "for" or "from" what, in the first place. There was a tremendous amount of cruelty, domineering posturing, attempts to shame, terrify and control--including claims made about people's supposed ability to "just get saved." (And now, today, my secular friends can't figure out why I keep grinding on all this, why I can't just use some nice shortcut such as hacking my vagus nerve to "just snap out of it.")
Spiritual bypassing everywhere I looked, back then, during my sect days. And tons of now today, but coming from the secular crowd. Just put an ice pack on your chest. Just do this humming technique. What have you.
In my childhood, no relationships were safe, least of all any relationship I might try to cultivate with myself. Now today, I am struggling to have the courage to be vulnerable (but not to an inappropriate way--great post on that, too, Cody!) to demonstrate to my parts this is a "we" thing and we can do this. I am trying to demonstrate to my parts, though experiments in daily living, that to pursue healing, including healing in relation (internally and with external others) not only does not constitute self-worship, it is the most powerful way to use that router (the vagus nerve) to establish and maintain communication among my parts and me, learn new skills, undergo an identity shift. But it takes time. There's multiple facets to it.
I feel compassion for all of us on this parameter of how our brains love shortcuts. Of course. Wouldn't that be great if there were a switch (e.g. the vagus nerve) we could throw, and by getting the router reset, all our trauma would have gotten cleared out?
I just hate interacting with people when I feel as though they believe there are these quick and easy hacks and that I am just not trying hard enough to find the right hack or that I found the right hack but I'm "not using it right." No! Sorry, people. I need to take the time to address the core wounds. No more saviorhood mentality (i.e. this or that hack is the savior that will save us) and spiritual bypassing and dissociating my way out of doing the deep work that's actually needed, here. That's not how I'm playing this. Not anymore.
And for me the deep work today includes doing something that makes all my fundamentalist family members really, really uncomfortable: delving into what were TOXIC sect doctrines in the first place, those doctrines being the foundation of the beliefs most of my parts still subscribe to. It takes time and a slow building of trust between my parts and me.
This is ridiculously rambling. Apologies. Thank you, Cody, for this excellent post.
So happy this resonated so deeply with you! I can't imagine how tough the things you're talking about must have been to go through... I'm glad you're on the healing path, and not allowing those around you to convince you not to the deep work it sounds like you're working on. It's for sure worth it!