How to ACT when ANXIOUS 🧠
3 tools are between you and an anxiety free life (7min Read)
TL;DR Summary:
The Invitation to "Do it Scared": Discover how Will Smith's advice on facing fear is not just a quote but a practical approach backed by neuroscience and psychology.
Redefining Self-Identity with IFS Psychotherapy: Explore how Internal Family Systems (IFS) challenges the typical narrative of "I AM anxious" by promoting a multifaceted view of self that could revolutionize your perspective on anxiety.
The Science of Parts in Everything: Delve into the fascinating analogy of how our complex selves are akin to the myriad of systems and parts within our bodies, extending the concept to mental processes.
Going for Silver Instead of Gold: Uncover a counterintuitive strategy that might transform your approach to dealing with anxiety in social situations—aiming for 'silver' to ultimately achieve 'gold'.
The Action Cycle: Learn about a dynamic three-part method—Act, Assess, Adjust—that encourages continual improvement and resilience, likened to the scientific method applied to everyday life challenges.
Integrating Tools for Living Heroically: Get a glimpse of how integrating these tools can lead to a life where you not only manage anxiety but embrace challenges with a new, empowered mindset.
Welcome Back!
I recently spoke at a Founders Summit here in Kansas City, it was to a group of college-aged entrepreneurs at UMKC, one of our local colleges!
In the presentation, I shared the three tools we’re about to get into, and they loved them, so I wanted to make sure to share them with ya’ll too!
They both focus on anxiety, which is one of the top things I help people with, and that I’ve struggled with myself, so I know a thing or two about it haha!
One of my favorite quotes about fear and anxiety is:
“If you can’t beat the fear, do it scared.” -Will Smith
But how does one, “Do it scared” you might ask?
Lucky for us, as always, neuroscience and psychology have the answer!
Let’s dive in.
You Are Made of Parts
The first mistake people make when trying to act in the face of fear or anxiety is that they identify with it.
They say things like, “I AM anxious.”
Which isn’t true. I’m Cody, not anxious.
Identifying with your anxiety only makes it worse because your identity drives your behavior, feelings, and thoughts.
So what can you do instead? Start to think of yourself as many different Parts.
This comes from IFS Psychotherapy, which as you know, is what my training is in!
IFS & the neuroscientists and psychologists that support its methodology consider the mind to be made of many different Parts.
This is called the Theory of Multiplicity, and it’s one of the most freeing theories you’ll ever learn about!
Parts Are Everywhere
Let’s take a moment and consider the human body.
If we go all the way down to the atomic level, you’re made up of 7 octillion atoms.
Those atoms come together to create cells, of which you have 37.5 trillion.
Those cells come together to make organs, you have about 72 of those.
Those organs come together to create the organ systems that run your body, and there’s 11 major organ systems.
These organ systems all come together to create one unified you!
Lots of tiny parts create one unified self.
This concept can be extended all over biology, physics, chemistry, etc.
Parts are everywhere!
So, why would your mind be any different?
Multiplicity of the Mind
IFS isn’t even the first to the party on this concept.
Freud, Jung, Transactional Analysis, Hinduism, Buddhism, and Christianity all have concepts similar to this.
I do believe IFS has operationalized it and communicated it better than anyone else, but they are far from the first!
The point is that your mind is made of many competent Parts.
So, instead of saying, “I am anxious.”
Say, “A Part of me is anxious.”
Think about it, you’d never say, “I am pancreas.”
You’d say, “One of my organs or Parts is called a pancreas.”
The same goes for this Anxious Part of you!
However, it’s much less like an organ, and more like a single-digit-year-old child that needs your attention, love, and affection.
The moment you conceptualize yourself in this way, you’ll start to feel some relief.
Simply shifting your language around your anxiety, and viewing it this way gives you a new way to look at it, and yourself.
I don’t have time to dive very deep into Parts, and how to get to know them, but I can assure you, that just naming them as Parts will be very beneficial to start!
Going for Silver
Alright, with the theoretical part down, let’s dive into some practical tools!
Going for Silver is a tool that I use weekly for myself and with my clients.
The setup is simple, bronze metal means you did the scary thing, but hated every minute of it and still felt anxious.
Gold metal means you did the scary thing, and felt zero anxiety the whole time, you didn’t even think about it!
So, let’s pretend that you’re struggling with some social anxiety.
Most people who struggle with this try going for gold at first.
They hype themselves up beforehand, tell themselves it’ll be different this time, or that they’re just going to ignore the anxiety and hope for the best.
However, by going for gold, they end up getting bronze because they end up spending all of their time worried about their anxiety, so surprise surprise, it gets worse.
This is where Going for Silver comes in.
Silver metal is attained by accepting that this Part of you is gonna be there and being ok with that.
It’s this acceptance of this Part of you that becomes a superpower.
That’s because when you Go for Silver, you almost always end up actually getting gold!
When you surrender to it, accept it, and truly face it with courage and confidence, guess what?
That Part of you relaxes back and begins to trust you. It doesn’t feel like it needs to take over to keep you safe anymore!
This is a very powerful tool, but without our last tool for the day, it would be useless.
Action Cycle
Our last tool is what I call the Action Cycle, it’s the scientific method for everyday life.
It shifts action from one thing, into 3 parts. (If you’re wondering if everything I talk about breaks into parts, the answer is yes haha.)
Those 3 parts are Act, Assess, Adjust, Repeat.
This does a couple of things.
First of all, it removes the fear of failure from your life.
The only way to fail now, is to stop running the action cycle!
Otherwise, no matter what, you’re in the cycle.
If you take an action and it doesn’t go the way you wanted, the next step is to assess what happened.
What could you do better? What was off? What did you do well?
A coach or therapist can be useful in this part of the action cycle!
After assessing, decide on your adjustment, and then go try again.
This is wired into us neurologically.
Do you think you figured out how to walk or talk in one try? Think again.
You used the action cycle.
In fact, I would be willing to wager that the things you’ve been the most successful at in your life, are the things that you used the action cycle the most effectively for.
Even George Lucas’s first film was a flop, but we’re all happy that he stuck to the action cycle and kept creating new movies!
MJ didn’t make his high school basketball team.
Oprah was fired from her first news anchor job and told she’d never make it on television.
What’s the one thing they all have in common? The action cycle.
This is not a coincidence, it’s neuroscience, it’s psychology… It’s the action cycle.
Putting It All Together
What a wild ride we’ve been on today! Let’s put it all together now.
If we go back to our social anxiety example, we now know that the person struggling with this isn’t “social anxiety” rather, a Part of them is struggling with social anxiety.
And by going into social situations Going for Silver, and accepting this Part of them will be along for the ride is the best way to actually get gold!
Finally, while Going for Silver is powerful, it will undoubtedly not go perfectly every time, but that’s just fine because you now know about the action cycle.
If the first event you try to go to was way too many people, so your anxiety took over, that’s alright.
Become aware of that in the assessment phase, and then in the adjustment phase, you can target a smaller gathering next time.
Then Go for Silver again in this smaller gathering.
If that goes well, then in your next assessment phase, see if you’re ready for a bigger challenge or if you’d like to stay at this level for a little bit before moving up!
By integrating all 3 of these tools you can truly “Do it scared” like Will Smith suggests in his quote!
Doing It Scared for Life
I hope today’s blog is something that becomes much more than some interesting tools that you learned and forgot.
Can you make this a conscious part of your life?
Awareness is the first step, so congrats.
It’s time to implement now, it’s time to get into action!
Good luck, and until next time… Live Heroically 🧠
Supporting Research:
Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Multiplicity of the Mind:
Schwartz, R. C. (1995). Internal Family Systems Therapy. Guilford Press.
Anderson, F. G., Sweezy, M., & Schwartz, R. C. (2017). Internal Family Systems Skills Training Manual: Trauma-Informed Treatment for Anxiety, Depression, PTSD & Substance Abuse. PESI Publishing.
Concept of Parts in Psychological Therapies:
Holmes, T., & Holmes, L. (1996). Parts work: An illustrated guide to your inner life. Winged Heart Press.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (Related to "Going for Silver" Concept):
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The process and practice of mindful change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Eifert, G. H., & Forsyth, J. P. (2005). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for anxiety disorders: A practitioner’s treatment guide to using mindfulness, acceptance, and values-based behavior change strategies. New Harbinger Publications.
Neuroscience of Behavioral Change and the "Action Cycle":
Dweck, C. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.
Clear, J. (2018). Atomic habits: An easy & proven way to build good habits & break bad ones. Avery.