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How to Make Friends as An Adult (Part 1)
The first 2 steps you should take to make new friends (6min read)
Why Social Connection Matters
Empowering Beliefs for Friend Making
The Mindset You’ll Need
Social Connection is one of the most powerful ways to increase your Mental & Emotional Health!
People who have a large social circle have a 50% lower mortality rate.
That being said, making friends as an adult isn't as easy as it used to be.
Beliefs & Making Friends
One of the hardest parts of making new friends as an adult is what's happening in your head.
Here are some of the most common limiting beliefs when it comes to making new friends!
Common Limiting Beliefs Around Making Friends
"No one in my area is the type of person I'd want to be friends with."
"The people in my area are too standoffish and unfriendly."
"The people in my city are too busy to make new friends."
"The people in my town are too cliquish and hostile to outsiders like me."
"There are no good places where I live to meet new people."
"I'm too old to make new friends."
If you have any of these limiting beliefs, the first thing you should do is run them through the process we outlined in last week’s Heroes Digest!
Holding these kinds of beliefs while trying to make new friends will only work against you, and turn the Belief Wheel against you as well.
Empowering Beliefs for Making New Friends
Here are some examples of beliefs that can support your journey:
"I am lovable & likable."
"Great friends are on their way to me right now."
"I am worthy of the friendships I desire."
"I will find a way to meet new people where I live."
"Rejection is just redirection, I will find the right people if I keep trying."
"I am already whole & good enough."
Going into a journey like this one with these kinds of empowering beliefs will help ensure that you accomplish your mission!
Crafting a Mindset for Making New Friends
Once you've gotten your beliefs in order, it’s time to craft your Mindset & Expectations.
Making new friends is one of the most rewarding things you can do in your life! That being said, expecting it to go perfectly isn’t realistic.
However, by expecting the expected you can navigate these situations gracefully.
Assume People Will Like You
A key mindset for this journey is to assume other people will like you! Having the fear that people won’t like you will limit your ability to put yourself out there in the ways you need to.
Assuming that everyone will like you is an easy way to flip this fear on its head. The beautiful thing about it is that most people truly will like you!
People are nicer than we give them credit for, and we remember assholes more in our minds because our brain is trying to protect us.
This assumption can seem naive if not paired with our next mindset.
Beating the Fear of Rejection
Beating the fear of rejection is a necessity for making new friends, especially if you truly believe that most people will like you.
The reality is, that some won’t, and that’s perfectly normal.
This means that you will most likely get rejected as you put yourself out there more and more.
I like to say that rejection is redirection.
Being rejected doesn’t mean that you are not good enough, it means there’s someone who’s a better fit as a potential friend out there waiting for you!
Expect to be rejected or turned down during your journey, and then control what you can control.
It’s easy to feel shameful & get angry when we’re rejected, but realize it’s not personal, and you will be OK!
It Doesn’t Happen Overnight
One of the reasons making friends when we’re kids is so easy, is that we are generally in a group of people who are spending a lot of casual time together, and experiencing a lot of the same things.
These are the foundations of friendship, and in adulthood, this means it will take more time to create friends than when we were younger.
Expect this as you start your journey, and use this knowledge to your advantage.
As you begin, understand that it takes time to form relationships, and you don’t have to be going on expensive trips, or doing extravagant things with the people you want to develop friendships with.
Casual time watching a movie, going to the park, grabbing some coffee, or going for a walk together are great ways to start.
Finally, you need to own your outcomes. This may seem brutal, but it comes from a loving place. You will never make friends if you play the victim on this journey.
People are busy, they have their own lives, and own priorities to care about. This means they won’t always initiate.
Expecting this to be the case before starting this journey will serve you well.
Taking this personally, or assuming that it’s because you aren’t good enough is an easy path to go down, but it will leave you friendless & lonely.
The best part about this is that also means you have complete control over your destiny!
Initiate, plan things out, explore the hobbies you want to explore, and see who comes with you & says yes.
Over time you will narrow down the list of people you invite to things, you will start to get invited to more things, and you will have found the seedlings for your new friend group!
Next week we will cover Part 2 of making friends as an adult! We will hit on the Social Skills you’ll need, the Actions you can take, and how to build your Tribe!
I hope you enjoyed this week's Heroes Digest, I’ll see you next week for Part 2. Until then… Live Heroically!