How to Make Friends as an Adult Part 2

The Social Skills, Actions & Plan You'll Need (7min Read)

TL;DR Summary:

• The Social Skills You’ll Need

• Action You Can Take Today!

• The Secret to Building Your Tribe

Welcome back! This week we are finishing up what we started last week.

In Part 2 we will be covering Social Skills, Actions & some secret tips for helping you create your Tribe. Enjoy!

The Social Skills

Finding new friends will require a fair bit of socializing with strangers. I know that can be scary, but having the correct social skills can help you neutralize this fear! 

Social skills are something that anyone can learn, it just takes practice, and making new friends is a great way to do exactly that.

Here are some of the most important ones to focus on first! 

Empathy

Empathy is the ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you.

We all want to feel heard, understood & validated. Being empathetic means doing this for the people you’re meeting with as you try to make new friends! 

One of the best ways to get a boost in this area is to develop the superpower of Curiosity!

By developing this skill, you can learn to ask better questions, and truly understand the other person’s perspective, and how their perspective makes them feel.

This isn’t about putting yourself into their shoes.

It’s about learning how to be present with someone and being willing to suspend judgment while listening to how they’re feeling.

Caring & Sharing

Friendships are built on a spectrum of caring & sharing.

Balance is the goal! Caring means listening to the other person's stories, background, perspectives, etc. 

Sharing on the other hand is telling the other person about your stories, background, perspectives, etc. 

This is like a dance, you need to have a good balance of both for a friendship to sprout.

At first, you may need to spend some extra time listening, especially if you’re working your way into an already-established friend group. 

An easy tool to remember this is to try being more interested than interesting!

It’s a simple delineation but can make a huge difference as you start having more conversations with people. 

When done right, sharing and caring will allow you to find shared experiences, feelings, memories, etc that your new friendship can be built upon! 

Socially Perceptive 

This is a James Bond-type skill, but can be incredibly powerful as you start to interact with new groups of people to make new friends! 

Being socially perceptive means having an awareness of these kinds of key things: 

• Who came with whom?

• Who’s dating who?

• Who are friends with whom?

• Who’s feeling what?

When you’re aware of these things of dynamics you can interact with the people of the groups more effectively. 

There’s no better way to make someone feel seen than to know some of these kinds of things or remember them without having to be told. 

Introduce Others to One Another 

I saved the best for last. This may be the most powerful tool you can use to make new friends and social circles. 

Being the connector of people is a skill very few people have.

The goal isn’t to connect people just to connect them, it’s to bring together like-minded individuals, and help cultivate a bond between them. 

This is very rewarding, and by connecting the new people you meet with one another, you’re doubling your reach, shared experiences, and friend group. 

As an added benefit, when those two hit it off, they’ll remember who connected them, deepening the connection they feel with you, and each other.

The Actions

At Rewrite & Rise, we are about taking action. This is the best way to change your life, and you have total control over it. 

That being said, here are some ideas for taking action when it comes to making new friends. 

Prioritize Appropriately

The first action you should take is to prioritize your time appropriately. Making friends takes time, so block time out in your calendar for social connection. 

The more consistently you take the time to invest in making friendships, the more likely you are to find someone or a group of people you hit it off with! 

Other Actions Could Include: 

• Hobbies

  • What hobbies do you have? Find a group locally that does it, and go join them!

• Apps

  • Apps like Bumble aren’t only for dating, Bumble BF is Bumble but for finding friends, try it out. 

• Volunteering

  • This is an easy way to find others who care about the social issues you do and to share an experience with a group of people as well. 

• Revive Old Friendships

  • This is often forgotten, but friends you’ve lost touch with are almost always willing to reconnect. Send a text saying you miss them and would love to reconnect ASAP!

Initiate

The most important action you can take is to initiate. All of the activities above are worthless if you don’t get up and go do them! 

And remember, like we talked about in mindset, don’t fall victim to the mindset that “no one else ever initiates hanging out.” Take control of your destiny and act! 

Ask new connections to come volunteer with you, or accompany you to one of your favorite hobby groups. The options are endless. 

The Most Powerful Question on Earth

The final action I will give you is in the form of a question.

Start asking yourself, “What must I do to make more friends?”

This question will activate your brain's search engine and action center. 

Once the thought hits, act within 5 seconds, just do it. Trust your gut. You’ve got this!

Building Your Tribe

Now that you know the social skills & actions you need to take to start making new friends, it’s time to put some thought into what you’re trying to build! 

Are you trying to find a single friend or a group of friends? Do you like partying and going out, or quiet nights at home? 

Beginning with the end in mind is one of the best ways to end up where you intended to go in the first place. 

Here are some ways to craft your vision.

Know Yourself

Starting with yourself is a great way to begin crafting your friend group. What are you like? 

Are you introverted or extroverted? Do you like video games or sports? Do you enjoy intellectual debates or friendly banter? 

Understanding who you are is a great way to figure out who you may want to put around yourself more. 

This isn’t to say you should only find people like yourself, but by knowing yourself, and can choose to find people who will challenge your ideas and help you grow, or not, it’s up to you! 

The 16 Personalities Assessment is one of the oldest personality assessments out there, and a great place to start learning about yourself, if you haven’t taken it already, I suggest you check it out! 

Know Your Brand

What are your superpowers? Do you have connections to everyone? Can you start a conversation with anyone? Do you plan great events? 

What do you bring to the table? This is an important question to ask yourself as you start making new friends. 

Most groups of friends have a good mix of these different types of superpowers. Understanding your own will help you find groups where you’d fill a missing slot most effectively. 

This will make it much easier for the group to accept you quickly. 

What's ideal For You

Ultimately, the friends you have around you are up to you. Having a robust social circle can make an ordinary life feel extraordinary. 

Don’t settle for anything less than exactly what you want.

Before starting this journey, I suggest taking some time to write down exactly what you want out of your friends and what role you want them to play in your life. 

When I work on this with clients, I use our Narrative Goal Setting process, if you’d like to check out the workbook, I’ll put it below!

Good luck!

I wish you the best of luck on this journey, I know you’ve got this!

I will see you next week, until then… Live Heroically 🧠