The 4 Stages of Trauma Recovery 🧠
A Step-by-Step Guide to Healing from Trauma (6min Read)
TL;DR Summary:
Healing from trauma, especially from abusive relationships, can feel like a rollercoaster ride.
Understanding the 4 stages of trauma recovery can make the journey less scary.
Stage 1: Surviving the Trauma - Your brain's alarm system is on high alert, making you feel constantly in danger.
Stage 2: Finding Safety and Stability - Once the threat is gone, stress fades, and you start feeling safer.
Stage 3: Processing and Healing the Trauma - As you feel safer, the full impact of the trauma becomes clearer, leading to distress as you process it.
Stage 4: Thriving Beyond Trauma - After working through the pain, your nervous system balances out, and you start to feel better consistently.
Your Path to Healing and Breakthrough
Healing from trauma, especially from abusive relationships, can feel like a rollercoaster ride.
The highs and lows, the twists and turns—it’s all part of the journey.
Speaking from experience, navigating through this process can be incredibly challenging, but understanding the 4 stages of trauma recovery can make the ride a little less scary!
Ready? Let's dive in!
Stage 1: Surviving the Trauma
In the first stage, you’re still in the thick of the trauma.
Your brain’s alarm system (the amygdala) is on high alert, making you feel like you’re constantly in danger.
This stage is all about survival.
What It Might Look Like:
Constantly feeling on edge, unable to relax even in seemingly safe environments.
Experiencing frequent panic attacks or intense anxiety.
Having difficulty sleeping due to nightmares or hypervigilance.
Avoiding certain places or people that trigger traumatic memories.
Struggling with concentration and being easily startled by sudden noises.
During this stage, the protective parts of your psyche are in overdrive, working tirelessly to keep you safe.
Your nervous system is stuck in a state of high arousal, and finding ways to activate your body's relaxation response, like spending time in nature or with a pet, can be useful.
Still, the bottom line is that you’re not in a safe place, so grounding like this will only help so much from a nervous system perspective…
This is why things like No Contact are so important on the healing journey!
Stage 2: Finding Safety and Stability
Once the immediate threat is gone, your day-to-day stress starts to fade, and you begin to feel safer.
Your arousal levels decrease, and you can start to breathe again.
What It Might Look Like:
Feeling a sense of relief and calm after leaving the abusive situation.
Starting to establish a routine that includes self-care activities.
Being able to sleep better and experiencing fewer nightmares.
Noticing that your anxiety levels have decreased, even if only slightly.
Reconnecting with friends and family you may have distanced yourself from.
Unfortunately, this is oftentimes the calm before the storm.
As your environment becomes safer, the Parts of yourself that hold the pain and trauma start to surface.
It's essential to approach these Parts with compassion and patience as we move into Stage 3.
Stage 3: Processing and Healing the Trauma
As you start to feel safer, the full impact of the trauma becomes clearer.
This can lead to a resurgence of distress as you process what happened.
This stage is often the hardest, and where I see most people give up, but you’re not going to after reading the rest of this blog!!!
It’s easy to start believing that you’re “getting worse” during this stage which is what makes it the hardest stage.
What It Might Look Like:
Experiencing flashbacks or intrusive memories about the abuse.
Feeling intense emotions such as anger, sadness, or fear as you recall the traumatic events.
Struggling with self-doubt and questioning your own reality.
Finding it difficult to trust others, even those who are supportive.
Feeling overwhelmed by the emotional and physical sensations that arise during this stage.
In this stage, the deep work begins, and it’s not always pretty or linear.
Every hero must go through this stage though, here are some famous heroes who had to navigate this stage as well!
Stage 3 in the Movies
Mulan in "Mulan" (2020)
Mulan reveals her true self to her fellow soldiers and confronts the fear of rejection and dishonor.
Luke Skywalker in "Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back"
Luke faces a vision of Darth Vader in the cave on Dagobah and confronts his fears about becoming like Vader.
Tony Stark in "Iron Man 3"
Tony grapples with PTSD symptoms after nearly dying during the events of "The Avengers."
Captain Marvel in "Captain Marvel" (One of my fav cinematic moments)
Carol Danvers regains her memories and discovers the lies and deceit of the Kree (her “abuser”), embraces her true identity, and unleashes her full power & potential.
Harry Potter in "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone"
When Harry faces Voldemort for the first time he must confront and process the trauma of his parents' deaths and his role in the larger battle against evil all at once!
I know that movies aren’t real life, and I also know that what people go through in Stage 3 is often messy, but I truly believe a Heroic Self is in everyone.
I’ve seen it, and in this stage, it’s fighting for its life.
It wants to break through, but it’s often painful and scary to let it come out.
Sadly, it’s at this stage that most people give up.
This can be for a couple different reasons.
Sometimes they believe it’s too painful to process or that if they “go there” they’ll never escape the cave or the emotions will never stop.
Other times, the fear of the unknown or the fear of their true power is worse than their fear of the familiar.
So, they get back with an abusive ex, return to a toxic work environment, start dating too quickly, quit going to therapy, or distract themselves with drugs, sex, alcohol, or overworking.
Listen, I get it, I’ve been here myself, it feels like the lesser of two evils in a way.
You’ve been working and working and working on yourself but it doesn’t feel like it’s getting better.
It feels like there’s no hope.
You feel different, but not better.
You’re sick and tired of being sick and tired.
This would make anyone want to quit, but not you, not today, because Stage 4 is next.
Stick with me, there is hope!
Stage 4: Thriving Beyond Trauma
After working through the excruciating pain, you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Your nervous system begins to balance out, and you start to feel better consistently.
Which is why this stage is all about thriving!
What It Might Look Like:
Feeling more at peace and able to enjoy life again.
Reconnecting with hobbies and interests you had previously abandoned.
Building new, healthy relationships and strengthening existing ones.
Experiencing a sense of empowerment and self-compassion.
Noticing that your anxiety and depression symptoms have significantly reduced.
As the parts of yourself that were once burdened by trauma begin to heal, you can access that Heroic Self I talked about earlier, allowing you to experience greater harmony and self-compassion.
Your nervous system becomes more flexible, allowing you to move between states of arousal and calm with ease.
You’ve become the 2.0 version of yourself, the metamorphosis is complete!
The fear of the unknown dwindles as you build confidence in your ability to handle life’s challenges.
It’s important to celebrate small victories and acknowledge your progress in this stage because it reinforces the healing process.
Becoming Me 2.0
These stages are the exact stages I help people navigate daily, and it’s actually why our program is called the Me 2.0 Program!
I believe that by understanding these stages you can navigate your trauma recovery with greater awareness and resilience.
Your brain and body have an incredible capacity to heal, and with time and support, you can move from surviving to thriving.
If you’d like to do this with a community around you, join our Me 2.0 Community, it’s free!
Good luck on your journey, and remember—you've got this!
And until next time… Live heroically. 🧠
Supporting Research:
Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence—from domestic abuse to political terror. Basic Books.
van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.
Levine, P. A. (1997). Waking the tiger: Healing trauma. North Atlantic Books.
Schwartz, R. C. (1995). Internal family systems therapy. Guilford Press.
Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the body: A sensorimotor approach to psychotherapy. W.W. Norton & Company.
Fisher, J. (2017). Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors: Overcoming internal self-alienation. Routledge.