The Neuroscience Behind the Belief, "I'm Not ______ Enough" 🧠
The Neuroscience Behind the Belief, "I'm Not ______ Enough" 🧠
The Evolutionary & Neurological Basis of Feeling Inadequate (5min Read)
TL;DR Summary:
Sometimes, the belief "you're not enough" is rooted in reality.
Evolutionary Role: Discover why feeling inadequate was crucial for our ancestors’ survival.
Brain Science: Explore the brain's social network that influences our self-perception.
Modern Amplification: See how today's media intensifies feelings of inadequacy.
Reality Check: Recognize past moments of genuine insufficiency—and why that's okay.
Opportunity for Growth: Understand that "not enough" isn't permanent; change is possible.
Call to Action: What will you do to redefine your sense of enough?
Welcome Back
This may be controversial, but that belief that you're not good enough might be true.
You might not be smart enough, successful enough, confident enough, courageous enough...
The reason "I'm not enough" is the most common limiting belief humans struggle with, is because there's some truth in it.
That's why it hurts so bad.
Some little child version of you formed this belief forever ago in a moment where this statement was probably true.
It’s this little child, who’s trapped in this memory, that even today makes you believe you’re not enough.
Today, we’re gonna get to know that little one.
Let’s dive in!
The Evolutionary History of “I’m Not Enough"
This belief isn’t the most common for no reason.
Its roots are deeply intertwined with the mechanisms of survival, social cohesion, and the human drive for self-improvement.
From an evolutionary standpoint, humans are social creatures reliant on group integration for survival.
This dependency on the group has shaped much of our psychology, including our fears and how we view ourselves.
Early humans who were better at cooperating and maintaining their status within the group were more likely to survive and reproduce.
Survival and reproduction are how we don’t go extinct, so it makes a lot of sense that our mind and brain would make “enoughness” a very important metric we measure.
Social Hierarchy in Early Humans
In early human societies, survival often hinged on hierarchical structures.
Being perceived as "enough" could influence your position within this hierarchy, affecting access to resources like food, protection, and mating opportunities.
The fear of not being enough would drive you to strive harder to meet the group's standards, thus securing their place and their survival.
The brain evolved to make us very good at this game.
In fact, there’s an entire “social neural network” of interconnected brain regions dedicated to social interaction & connection.
Each region has evolved to handle specific aspects of social processing, allowing us to navigate our social worlds with sophistication and subtlety.
In fact, when rejected or abandoned, this brain network, and our physical pain network both light up in brain scans.
Suggesting that social rejection can hurt just as bad as a physical injury to your body.
Cultural and Social Dynamics
As societies evolved, the complexity of human interactions and the criteria for being "enough" diversified.
Cultural norms began to dictate not only survival but also success and respect within the community.
As societies became more complex, more defined roles and expectations also developed, each accompanied by specific standards that must be met.
This set a new bar for “enoughness” yet again.
Not meeting these could result in social ridicule or ostracism, reinforcing the internal belief of not being enough.
Finally, as we move into the modern world, mass media, social media, the 24hr news cycle all provide ample opportunities for comparison.
This puts this primal “not enough” belief and fear in your face, 24/7, 3-6-5.
In a world like this, where the achievements of others are constantly highlighted, the pressure to measure up can intensify this “I’m not enough” belief.
It Get’s Worse…
As if it weren’t already bad enough, there’s another wrinkle that I’ve got to mention.
You might actually not be enough.
There you go, I said it, and it’s true, you might not be.
Got cut from the basketball team in middle school? You weren't good enough at that moment.
Failed a test? You weren't smart enough at that moment.
Didn't ask your dream date to Homecoming? You weren't confident enough in that moment.
Didn't ask for that promotion? You weren't courageous enough at that moment.
AND SO WHAT?!
Not enoughness isn’t a life sentence! This isn't a permanent state.
Your enoughness in one moment, doesn't determine your enoughness for the rest of your life...
Little you never learned this though, so we carry around these beliefs like we can't do something about them, because in those moments, maybe we couldn't.
Talking to Little You
These younger versions of us get stuck in the moments they were hurt and they take on all the rejection, fear, shame, guilt, and embarrassment so that you don’t have to.
Then, any time in the future when a situation triggers these big feelings and emotions, this Part of you again absorbs the blow to keep you safe.
Over time, this little child in you has collected hundreds of experiences & situations that lead to these overwhelming emotions.
So, it makes total sense that they would develop a powerful belief like “I’m not ______ enough.”
Eventually, we have a hard time distinguishing between the PART of us that believes we’re not enough, and our actual SELF.
We forget that we are all born calm, confident, playful, curious, courageous, connected, persistent, present, clear, creative…
When we forget these innate qualities of ourselves, this young child in us takes over our feelings, thoughts, and actions.
It doesn’t realize we’re older now, it doesn’t understand that not-enoughness isn’t a permanent state.
And it for sure doesn’t realize how powerful we truly are.
When we were kids, we didn’t have the skills or resources to update this young Part of us.
But you can now! In fact, I bet you've even done it before.
Becoming Enough
You practiced more and made the team.
You studied more and passed the test.
You went for the promotion the next time it came up and you got it.
You BECAME enough
Not being enough isn't a permanent state, every moment you've got a new opportunity to do something different.
This ancient belief doesn't have to be a life sentence!
So, what are you gonna do about it?!
Good luck, and until next time… Live Heroically! 🧠
Supporting Research:
Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497–529. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.117.3.497
Gilbert, P. (2001). Evolution and social anxiety. The role of attraction, social competition, and social hierarchies. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 24(4), 723–751. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0193-953X(05)70260-4
Lieberman, M. D. (2007). Social cognitive neuroscience: A review of core processes. Annual Review of Psychology, 58, 259–289. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.58.110405.085654
Northoff, G., & Bermpohl, F. (2004). Cortical midline structures and the self. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 8(3), 102–107. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2004.01.004
Kross, E., Berman, M. G., Mischel, W., Smith, E. E., & Wager, T. D. (2011). Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 108(15), 6270–6275. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1102693108
Eisenberger, N. I., Lieberman, M. D., & Williams, K. D. (2003). Does rejection hurt? An fMRI study of social exclusion. Science, 302(5643), 290–292. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.1089134