The Three Different Types of Empathy 🧠

Decoding Empathy: The Intersection of Cognitive Science, Psychology, and Emotional Connection (7min Read)

TL;DR Summary:

• Empathy is central to human connection and healing.

• Three types of empathy:

  • Cognitive: Understanding feelings without sharing them.

  • Emotional: Feeling another's emotions.

  • Compassionate: Acting on understanding and feelings to help.

• Different people have unique "empathy styles".

• Recognizing types of empathy can improve relationships and support healing.

Welcome Back!

In a world filled with diverse personalities and unique experiences, empathy stands out as a cornerstone of human connection. 

As someone who has delved deep into the psyche of people who are battling the trauma of abusive relationships and Complex PTSD, I have found that the bridge that connects their journey of healing to the larger world is, quite often, empathy.

While this research is shifting every day, we will cover the main types of empathy that are recognized in psychology, which are cognitive, emotional, and compassionate empathy. 

We'll talk about the definition of empathy, if it's possible to have too much empathy and the different ways we can experience empathy.​

I believe this is an important skill to foster to improve mental health, so I'm excited to dive in! 

​1. Cognitive Empathy: The Intellectual Understanding

Cognitive empathy is the ability to comprehend another person's feelings and thoughts. It's understanding another person's perspective. 

It doesn't necessarily involve feeling those emotions, but rather understanding others' experiences. 

This type of empathy is crucial for problem-solving and effective communication because it allows one to anticipate how someone might react or feel in a given situation.

This kind of empathy finds its neurological basis in parts of the brain such as the temporoparietal junction (TPJ), among other areas. 

This region facilitates perspective-taking and allows us to step into another person's shoes, both metaphorically and emotionally.

I use this kind of empathy when trying to curate my content and blogs. Cognitive empathy enables me to better understand the mindsets of my followers, especially women healing from trauma. 

By understanding what they might be thinking or what concerns they have, after helping hundreds of them, I can tailor my content to address those specific feelings and thoughts! 

Many therapists, healthcare workers, and coaches have high levels of cognitive empathy and use it when working with clients.

Oftentimes, our clients are going through some very intense things, and taking on too many of those feelings wouldn't be helpful or healthy.

Using cognitive empathy, we can comprehend the concern, and how the person feels without personally feeling their distress, and give advice & guidance from a regulated state of being. 

Here's an example of cognitive empathy in dialogue:​

Anna: "Every time I start to trust someone new, memories of my abusive past relationship flood back, and I just pull away."

Social Worker (demonstrating cognitive empathy): "It sounds like when you begin to develop trust, the trauma from your previous relationship becomes a barrier, making you retreat to protect yourself. It must be challenging to navigate new relationships with that weight on your shoulders."

The therapist recognizes and understands Anna's feelings and the dynamics at play without necessarily feeling the emotions themselves. 

The therapist’s response shows a clear comprehension of Anna's emotional state and the challenges she's facing.

2. Emotional Empathy: Sharing the Emotional Load

Emotional empathy refers to the sensations and feelings we get in response to another person's emotions. 

This is what people refer to when they say they can "feel someone's pain." 

It allows for a deep emotional connection and is instrumental in close relationships and therapeutic settings.

"Mirror neurons" are thought to play a critical role. 

These neurons reflect others’ emotions, leading to feelings of another person being resonated within us.

I put mirror neurons in quotes because neuroscience research hasn't found strong evidence for their existence yet. 

Meaning specific neurons that light up in relation to another person's behavior haven't been found yet. 

This doesn't mean the phenomenon doesn't occur psychologically & socially, we just don't know the exact neural basis for it yet. 

There's much more evidence to support the thought that many interconnected brain regions play a role in this! 

​Reflect on moments when a friend or family member shared an emotional experience with you, perhaps detailing their grief, joy, or anxiety. 

If you felt a visceral reaction, maybe a lump in your throat or a heaviness in your chest, that’s emotional empathy at work. 

You're not just hearing their words; you're resonating with their emotions on a deep, intuitive level.

This kind of emotional reaction happens to me when watch sports movies like Glory Road (my favorite movie).

As a former college athlete myself, I can often feel the pain and disappointment of a loss or the joy of a win!

Maybe for you, it's a close friend who confides in you about feeling overwhelmed and anxious due to work pressures. 

Even if you're not currently experiencing the same stress, remembering a past instance when you felt similarly burdened can lead you to feel genuine sorrow or concern for your friend. 

Your shared emotional connection can provide comfort, assuring your friend they're not isolated in their struggles.

Emotional empathy isn't as much about perspective taking as it is truly feeling what they feel.

3. Compassionate Empathy: From Understanding to Action

Compassionate empathy goes beyond merely understanding and feeling; it's about being moved to help. 

This type of empathy is not just about grasping or sharing in others' emotions but taking steps to alleviate their distress.

This third type of empathy, which is also called "empathic concern" is the golden rule for many in professions requiring close interpersonal relationships, such as customer service or therapy.

Research suggests that the ventromedial prefrontal cortex is active in compassionate empathy, translating emotional understanding into prosocial behavior.

Think back to times when a close friend or family member came to you in distress. 

After listening to them (cognitive empathy) and sharing in their emotions (emotional empathy), did you ever feel compelled to help in some way? 

Maybe you offered advice, lent a helping hand, or simply gave them a comforting embrace. That urge to assist is compassionate empathy in action.

Or maybe a colleague at work confesses they're struggling with a project. 

After understanding their challenges (cognitive empathy) and genuinely feeling for them (emotional empathy), you decide to spend some of your free time helping them brainstorm solutions or refine their work (compassionate empathy).

In the progression of these types of empathy, there's a heartwarming journey. 

It starts with understanding, moves to shared emotions, and culminates in proactive help. 

No matter your profession or daily interactions, these empathetic skills can enhance your relationships and the support you offer to others. 

They serve as bridges that link your understanding to the genuine well-being of those around you.

What's Your "Empathy Style"? 

One of the biggest mistakes we can make after learning this is to think that everyone is just like us, and that everyone can sense other people's emotions just because we can.

This isn't true though, just because you can understand what someone is going through, doesn't mean that you "feel" or know how to help someone.

Oftentimes, all of these kinds of empathy get lumped into 1 big pile that you either have or don't have, however, these 3 types of empathy aren't correlated!​

That being said, society seems to put a premium on emotional empathy, meaning someone is "empathetic" if they can feel what you're feeling. 

​In reality, people empathize differently. Just like there are love languages, there are empathy languages. 

​Are you someone who likes to feel felt or someone who likes to find the root cause of what's going on?  

​The other reason this is relevant is that you might consider someone you know to not be empathetic because they don't "feel" (emotional) you, but they're there to help (compassionate), or very good at understanding (cognitive) what's causing you to feel this way. 

​​By asking ourselves these questions, we can start to understand ourselves better, and then in relationships, we can articulate our preferences.

This is a key ingredient of successful relationships any kind. 

Understanding these different kinds of empathy is essential, especially for individuals navigating the challenging time post-abuse.

Empathy offers personal growth. Recognizing the levels of empathy one requires – whether it's the emotional connection of a shared experience or the understanding ear of a friend practicing active listening – can be invaluable.

Empathy, the Path Toward Healing

The term empathy, while common in emotional intelligence research, is laden with depth. 

Be it through cognitive insights, emotional connections, or compassionate actions, empathy stands as a beacon of hope during difficult times.

For those seeking to heal, understanding empathy's different facets can be the first step toward mending broken bonds. 

Remember, every empathetic person, every act of understanding, and every shared emotional experience paves the way for a more connected, kinder world! 

Until next time... Live Heroically! 🧠

Supporting Research​

• "Emotional and Cognitive Empathy" Decety, J., & Jackson, P. L. (2004). Psychiatric Bulletin, 28(5), 175-179.

• "The Empathic Brain: How, When and Why?" Singer, T., & Lamm, C. (2009). Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 10(10), 435-441.

• "Mirror Neurons and the Evolution of Brain and Language" Gallese, V., & Goldman, A. (2002). In M. Stamenov & V. Gallese (Eds.), Advances in Consciousness Research (Vol. 42, pp. 37-56). John Benjamins Publishing Company.

• "Social Connectedness and Pain Perception" Inagaki, T. K., & Eisenberger, N. I. (2012). Emotion, 12(5), 1233.

• "The Relationship of Empathy to Clinical Experience Among Chinese Medical Students” Wen, D., Ma, X., Li, H., Liu, Z., Xian, B., & Liu, Y. (2013). Journal of Medical Education and Curricular Development, 3, JMECD. S13795.

• "Emotional Intelligence"Goleman, D. (1995). Bantam Books

• "Empathy: Its ultimate and proximate bases"de Waal, F. B. M. (2008). Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 25(1), 1-20.

• "The Neural Components of Empathy: Predicting Daily Prosocial Behavior" Morelli, S. A., Rameson, L. T., & Lieberman, M. D. (2014). Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 9(1), 39-47.

• "Brain mechanisms underlying emotional alterations in the peripartum period in rats" Hillerer, K. M., Jacobs, V. R., Fischer, T., & Aigner, L. (2014). PLoS ONE, 9(6), e98542.

• "The Science of Compassion: Origins, Measures, and Interventions" Goetz, J. L., Keltner, D., & Simon-Thomas, E. (2010). Review of General Psychology, 14(3), 277-299.