Why Rest Feels Like Failure—And How to Rewire Your Brain 🧠

Psychoanalyzing the Fear of Slowing Down Because You'll Lose Your Edge (7min Read)

TL;DR Summary:

• Rest feels wrong because your brain has been wired to equate productivity with worth.

• High performers (like Michael Jordan, Patrick Mahomes, and Serena Williams) prioritize rest because they know it fuels success—not hinders it.

• Chronic stress traps your brain in survival mode, making stillness feel dangerous.

• If you don’t know who you are outside of work, that’s a signal—not a failure.

• Rest isn’t losing—it’s a power move that strengthens clarity, creativity, and resilience.

• To make rest feel safe, start with small, intentional moments and structured, guilt-free recovery.

• You don’t have to earn the right to slow down. You’re valuable, even when you’re still.

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Does Rest Make You Anxious?

You know you need rest.

You know your body is running on empty.

So why does the thought of slowing down feel…wrong?

Like if you stop moving, everything you’ve worked for will somehow slip away?

Or worse, you’d lose your edge.

If you resonate with that feeling—welcome to the anxious achiever’s dilemma.

You’re not lazy. You’re not weak.

Your brain is just running on a program that tells you stopping = failure.

The good news?

That program is outdated and completely wrong.

Let’s break down why your brain fights rest—and how you can rewire it to actually feel safe slowing down.

The Myth of Endless Hustle

If grinding 24/7 was the secret to success, the greatest athletes, entrepreneurs, and artists would be the most exhausted people on the planet.

But they aren’t.

Because they know something that many high achievers don’t: rest isn’t the opposite of success—it’s the fuel for it.

Look at the best in the world—Michael Jordan, Patrick Mahomes, Serena Williams, Kobe Bryant.

These aren’t just talented individuals; they’re strategic performers who understand that recovery is part of the process, not a luxury.

• Serena Williams has spoken openly about the necessity of rest, not just for her body, but for her mental clarity and decision-making under pressure.

• Kobe Bryant, known for his "Mamba Mentality," didn’t just push himself harder—he strategically used sleep, meditation, and recovery to ensure longevity in his career.

These athletes have access to the best trainers, sports scientists, and psychologists in the world.

And yet, their regimen always includes deliberate rest.

Why?

Because without rest, performance declines.

Without recovery, even the strongest breakdown.

So why do so many high achievers in other fields believe they can outwork the fundamental laws of human biology?

The truth is, the belief that more effort = more success is a cultural myth, not a scientific fact.

Neuroscience tells us that peak performance requires oscillation—periods of intense effort followed by deliberate recovery.

Your brain and body need cycles of work and rest to sustain high levels of creativity, focus, and endurance.

If world-class performers, with million-dollar careers on the line, know that pushing through exhaustion is a recipe for failure, then what makes you think you’re the exception?

The real high achievers don’t fear rest. They master it.

And that’s what makes them unstoppable.

Okay, so why is it so hard to do then, Cody?

Great question, here are 3 reasons.

1. You’ve Tied Your Self-Worth to Being ‘Useful’

Let’s be honest—rest doesn’t just feel boring.

It feels wrong.

You might even feel guilty for relaxing when there’s work to be done.

But here’s the hard truth: If the only time you feel valuable is when you’re accomplishing something, that’s not ambition.

That’s an identity crisis.

This runs deep.

Many of us Overachievers grew up being praised for being good workers, hard workers, high achievers.

We weren’t just told we did great things—we were told we were great because of those things.

The message?

Your value is conditional.

You’re worthy IF you’re useful.

So when you try to slow down, your nervous system goes, “Wait. If I’m not producing… who even am I?”

The fix?

Start separating who you are from what you do.

Your existence is valuable—even when you’re resting.

If this sounds impossible, try to think of the “Achiever” in you as a Part of you, not who you are.

This Part of you feels like it must achieve to be loved, but your true Self is enough on its own, outside of any accomplishments.

2. Your Brain is Stuck in ‘Survival Mode’

If the idea of slowing down makes you panic, it’s not just psychological.

It’s neurological.

Chronic stress rewires your brain to treat rest like a threat.

If you’ve spent years in “go-go-go” mode, your nervous system gets stuck in hypervigilance.

This means:

• Stillness feels unsafe.

• Your brain craves constant stimulation.

• Relaxing triggers anxiety instead of relief.

This happens because stress keeps your amygdala—the brain’s alarm system—overactive.

When you try to rest, your brain misinterprets that stillness as danger.

The fix?

Gradual nervous system retraining.

Small, intentional moments of stillness (even just a few minutes a day) can teach your brain that rest isn’t a threat—it’s a necessity.

Something I do is instead of hopping on my phone in the elevator, I pause, take a breath and just stand there in silence and stillness for a minute!

3. You Don’t Know Who You Are Outside of Achievement

This is the hardest one.

If your entire identity revolves around work, stopping feels existentially uncomfortable.

Because if you’re not achieving… what’s left?

If that question makes you nervous—it’s time to dig deeper.

Because at your core, you are more than what you produce.

Who are you when the to-do list is empty?

What do you enjoy outside of work?

What makes you feel alive that has nothing to do with proving yourself?

The answer to those questions is where true freedom lies.

There have been moments in my life where I can’t answer a single one of these questions.

Even as I write this, it’s challenging to remember that I love writing, I love neuroscience, I love researching for these blogs, and I don’t need to prove myself to ya’ll.

But that’s hard to remember at times, I’ve constantly gotta remind myself that this Achiever is a Part of me, but not my true Self!

And I’m writing this because I love it, not because I have to, to be enough.

So, if these things make rest hard, what can make it feel safe?

I’m glad you asked!

How to Make Rest Feel Safe

As I’ve said, slowing down will feel unnatural at first and that’s okay.

It means your brain is learning something new!

Here’s how to start rewiring that fear:

Give yourself “structured, guilt-free rest.”

If open-ended relaxation makes you anxious, schedule your downtime like an important meeting.

Your brain will adjust.

I called this “guilt-free rest or play” with my clients and it works like magic!

Next, reframe rest as productive.

Rest isn’t wasting time—it’s sharpening your edge.

High performers prioritize recovery, remember this!

It’s also important to start small.

Even five minutes of intentional stillness (breathing, journaling, walking) helps retrain your nervous system to feel safe resting.

Just like the elevator example.

The goal is to break your brain’s addiction to quick dopamine!

And finally, remind yourself: You are valuable even when you’re still.

Your worth isn’t measured in output.

Period.

I’ve mentioned this one multiple times because if you can truly start to believe this at your core, your life changes instantly.

I’m still working to get there myself, so don’t feel like you’re behind!

Embracing Rest as a Power Move

Slowing down isn’t losing. It isn’t falling behind. It isn’t a sign of weakness.

It’s a radical act of self-leadership.

Imagine a version of yourself who trusts that rest doesn’t erase progress.

A version of you who knows that true success isn’t built on exhaustion—it’s built on clarity, resilience, and longevity.

This is the shift.

Instead of fearing rest, what if you saw it as a power move?

What if you realized that the people who sustain success, the ones who thrive rather than just survive, aren’t the ones running themselves into the ground—but the ones who know when to pause, when to recover, when to recalibrate?

You don’t have to earn your right to slow down.

And if you want to build a life that’s not just successful—but also worth living—it starts here.

In the stillness.

So the question isn’t, What happens if I slow down?

The real question is: What kind of life could I create if I wasn’t too exhausted to live it?

Until next time… Live Heroically 🧠

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Supporting Research

• Arnsten, A. F. (2009). Stress signaling pathways that impair prefrontal cortex structure and function. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 10(6), 410-422.

• McEwen, B. S. (2007). Physiology and neurobiology of stress and adaptation: Central role of the brain. Physiological Reviews, 87(3), 873-904.

• Sapolsky, R. M. (2004). Why zebras don't get ulcers: The acclaimed guide to stress, stress-related diseases, and coping. Holt Paperbacks.

• Ericsson, K. A., Krampe, R. T., & Tesch-Römer, C. (1993). The role of deliberate practice in the acquisition of expert performance. Psychological Review, 100(3), 363.

• Walker, M. P. (2017). Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams. Scribner.

• Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68.

• Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.