That is the thing with the survival brain. We tend to reduce the positive and level set with negative energy. It is unlikely that secure attachment will appear because, according to the negative dynamic, no secure attachment is drawn upon in a stressed state. Remember that attachment is a bunch of bar graphs, not pie charts. It is not pulling from one to gain the other, they all exist in duality.
Sure, but at some point I would imagine that someone with a disorganized style and one with a secure style would meet and perhaps get together. I’m curious about that dynamic and how they could impact each other.
They will come together. I am sharing that we will begin to erode the secure style and pull on some of our more avoidant and insecure styles, depending on where the disorganized-attached person is showing in their symptoms. This is very complicated and extensive since disorganized attachment can show up pretty erratically depending on how spiraled their negative dynamic is.
feel free to follow me for more. I built a neuroscience-backed framework that explains how we our behaviors are predictable and the reactionary patterns we get into as an effort to survive. My goal is to remove the stigma of our mental health and understand we all have the same brain wired for survival. When we can be aware of our reactionary patterns, find radical acceptance (remove shame/guilt/judgment), we can learn actions to build the responses we want. My writing is highlighting this model with monthly topics and weekly insights in a variety of forms to help better digest the complicated nuances and ensure lasting change. It is not about doing everything, it is about doing one thing each day.
Great article. I developed a neuroscience-backed framework that explains predictable behaviors in a stressed state. Our brains' reactions for survival under stress. Attachment is actually 25% of this dynamic. Love you are exploring it.
I frequently marvel that a small post-WWII study could create so many of the facets of the kaleidoscope through which we view ourselves and our relationships. But it did and it does! So, hats off to you, Bowlby and Ainsworth.
And as with so many things psychological, constructions -- such as styles of attachment -- tend to become adopted as literal states, to the detriment of many.
And yet! Organization is helpful to us humans, who must meander through our days with ideas and feelings installed before we could toddle or talk.
So it helps to have some sort of system with which to sort things out. Especially when it comes to the greatest of all human intoxicants, love.
This is an outstanding field guide for all who are perplexed. Which is just about everyone!
I find your articles very relevant and actionable, but I loved this one in particular. The writing is hilarious, and I recognized myself in the avoidant profile, especially in this statement: “If we talk about feelings, we will absolutely perish.” Fortunately, I broke the cycle and paired with a secure partner 15 years ago. I find the pairings relevant not only for romantic relationships, but for any relationship, such as family members.
Looking forward to reading!!
Lemme know what you think!
Um… what about disorganized x Secure?
That is the thing with the survival brain. We tend to reduce the positive and level set with negative energy. It is unlikely that secure attachment will appear because, according to the negative dynamic, no secure attachment is drawn upon in a stressed state. Remember that attachment is a bunch of bar graphs, not pie charts. It is not pulling from one to gain the other, they all exist in duality.
Sure, but at some point I would imagine that someone with a disorganized style and one with a secure style would meet and perhaps get together. I’m curious about that dynamic and how they could impact each other.
They will come together. I am sharing that we will begin to erode the secure style and pull on some of our more avoidant and insecure styles, depending on where the disorganized-attached person is showing in their symptoms. This is very complicated and extensive since disorganized attachment can show up pretty erratically depending on how spiraled their negative dynamic is.
Ah I’ve got it now. Thank you, this makes a lot of sense.
feel free to follow me for more. I built a neuroscience-backed framework that explains how we our behaviors are predictable and the reactionary patterns we get into as an effort to survive. My goal is to remove the stigma of our mental health and understand we all have the same brain wired for survival. When we can be aware of our reactionary patterns, find radical acceptance (remove shame/guilt/judgment), we can learn actions to build the responses we want. My writing is highlighting this model with monthly topics and weekly insights in a variety of forms to help better digest the complicated nuances and ensure lasting change. It is not about doing everything, it is about doing one thing each day.
I've very impressed with your ability to make me laugh hysterically while also slapping me in the face with reality.
Great article. I developed a neuroscience-backed framework that explains predictable behaviors in a stressed state. Our brains' reactions for survival under stress. Attachment is actually 25% of this dynamic. Love you are exploring it.
Thank you. This is as clear and concise as it gets. I actually have a plan now!
I frequently marvel that a small post-WWII study could create so many of the facets of the kaleidoscope through which we view ourselves and our relationships. But it did and it does! So, hats off to you, Bowlby and Ainsworth.
And as with so many things psychological, constructions -- such as styles of attachment -- tend to become adopted as literal states, to the detriment of many.
And yet! Organization is helpful to us humans, who must meander through our days with ideas and feelings installed before we could toddle or talk.
So it helps to have some sort of system with which to sort things out. Especially when it comes to the greatest of all human intoxicants, love.
This is an outstanding field guide for all who are perplexed. Which is just about everyone!
Looking forward to sharing this widely.
This is pure brilliance! I'm already debating which clients might benefit from seeing this masterpiece.
I find your articles very relevant and actionable, but I loved this one in particular. The writing is hilarious, and I recognized myself in the avoidant profile, especially in this statement: “If we talk about feelings, we will absolutely perish.” Fortunately, I broke the cycle and paired with a secure partner 15 years ago. I find the pairings relevant not only for romantic relationships, but for any relationship, such as family members.