Borrowed harmony. This! That term named something I have been trying to articulate for months.
Because I was extraordinarily good at keeping the peace. Softening before I spoke. Editing myself in real time. Swallowing the response that was true and offering the one that would keep the temperature down.
I called it maturity. I called it being a good partner. What I understand now is that I was paying for peace on credit. And the debt came due in the form of a woman who barely recognized herself by the time she finally said enough.
Another good post. The repairing of riffs is how relationships strengthen, which is what you're pointing out and how many relationships are missing this point.
I put up a note recently of the realization that I was trying to keep the harmony between my own husband and my son-in-law.
I find it frustrating, that in my quest for intellectual and emotional growth, it can be hard to find people willing or interested in the same. And I will be honest and say I have my own biases too. There are certain subjects that I will not delve deeper into because I know that the other person does not have the same experiences or the depth of understanding to have a thoughtful conversation in that area. That part is disheartening but part of life I suppose. But when people stick to strict ideologies and making assumptions about whole groups of people rather than understanding the nuances of both people and subjects, that is so sad. A discussion can still be had and simply say we agree to disagree.
I am lucky enough to have a few good friends and my husband who can have a deep conversation. I've asked my husband. What is your opinion? and he will say I'm still forming it or he'll purposely take the opposite point to further growth in both of us. I admire that.
That shift is real. And what I find is that it’s not the dream that changes, it’s the relationship to the dream. The excitement was about possibility. The weight comes when it starts to feel like there’s a need to prove something. That’s a different pressure entirely.”
Borrowed harmony. This! That term named something I have been trying to articulate for months.
Because I was extraordinarily good at keeping the peace. Softening before I spoke. Editing myself in real time. Swallowing the response that was true and offering the one that would keep the temperature down.
I called it maturity. I called it being a good partner. What I understand now is that I was paying for peace on credit. And the debt came due in the form of a woman who barely recognized herself by the time she finally said enough.
DK, The Unraveling 🤍
Another good post. The repairing of riffs is how relationships strengthen, which is what you're pointing out and how many relationships are missing this point.
I put up a note recently of the realization that I was trying to keep the harmony between my own husband and my son-in-law.
I find it frustrating, that in my quest for intellectual and emotional growth, it can be hard to find people willing or interested in the same. And I will be honest and say I have my own biases too. There are certain subjects that I will not delve deeper into because I know that the other person does not have the same experiences or the depth of understanding to have a thoughtful conversation in that area. That part is disheartening but part of life I suppose. But when people stick to strict ideologies and making assumptions about whole groups of people rather than understanding the nuances of both people and subjects, that is so sad. A discussion can still be had and simply say we agree to disagree.
I am lucky enough to have a few good friends and my husband who can have a deep conversation. I've asked my husband. What is your opinion? and he will say I'm still forming it or he'll purposely take the opposite point to further growth in both of us. I admire that.
That shift is real. And what I find is that it’s not the dream that changes, it’s the relationship to the dream. The excitement was about possibility. The weight comes when it starts to feel like there’s a need to prove something. That’s a different pressure entirely.”